My cup was not empty, it was in the cabinet behind the Goofy mug…

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. Psalms 37:5 (NLT)

Yesterday my cup was empty. Not runneth over with gratitude, not half full of hope. Nope. Empty. So empty in fact, it had been ran through the dishwasher and put back in the cabinet. I was tired. The kids had me up Tuesday night at 9:30, 10:30, midnight, 2:00AM, 3:30AM and 4:30AM which was the last and final straw for me so I got up and took a shower to start my day. All day long I lagged behind, couldn’t really follow or form a thought and all I could think about was either taking a nap in the “pump” room at work or taking a nap when I got home. Sleep was so much more valuable to me yesterday than even food. Transparent moment: I grumped. I blamed. I was mad. I grumped.

  

 I blamed my kids for the reason I was tired, I even tried to be mad at my husband who slept peacefully beside me while I was managing a wandering toddler at 3:30AM and another kid needing a boob at 4:30AM (oh, if only men could breastfeed…). Sigh. The reality is my husband won’t allow me to be mad at him because he knows how I am. He didn’t sign on (i.e.: marry me) knowing that at some point in his future I would not be a mommy mental case due to the stress of my own children. Those little suckers freak me out and they are mine. Could be the reason he constructed my home with walk in closest in ALL the bedrooms in the event I need a good place to hide.

  

In the midst of my grumps and my pouts and my need for a nap (all before 5AM), I remembered Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued* book I’m reading. I am 64% through the book (Kindle Fire progress %) and to be honest, Lysa gets ripped off a lot. Not a judgment, not saying she is a theft magnet but she shares 2 points in the book (up to my 64%, remember) specifically where her computer and some very sentimental pieces of jewelry get stolen and how she coped with the loss. Gratitude list. Yep. Not searching the Internet for security companies or Ninja lessons but reflecting on all the reasons in life to be grateful. Sitting down in the midst of the loss to reflect on finding everything. She prays through a list of things in her mind she is grateful for until the gratitude has the energy to lift her from her seat to carry on with her day.

 

 So I did that. Instead of fuming (semi-fuming) in my bathroom for being tired I ran down the list:

Lord I am grateful to have 2 kids to wake me up.

I am grateful for a husband sleeping beside me.

I am grateful for a bed to sleep in.

I am grateful for a job to get up for.

I am grateful for my home.

Lord I’m grateful you listen to me.

 
The funny thing was after I said these things and a host of a lot of other little things (tooth paste, running water, etc.) I didn’t fume anymore. The tired was still there but the desire to blame everyone else was not. Yes, I did have my moments throughout the day of feeling tired but the rest I received in the Lord that night was amazing. My 5 month old slept from 7PM to 4AM (again, if I haven’t said it loud enough, thank You Jesus!), my son stayed in his bed all night and I woke up feeling refreshed and renewed. Not only did I feel refreshed but I willingly got in the shower at 4:20, dressed, packed kids for daycare, lunches, milk bag, pump, dropped husband off for a 7am meeting, successfully took 2 kids to daycare (by myself!) and got in a last minute nursing session before having to be at the office. Take it easy on pillar construction though. I'm not gloating or bragging but grateful. Today turned out to be a great, rewarding and restful day but tomorrow could be a train wreck all over again. I can only be grateful for today because today is all I've got.  

 

I cannot tell you how movable this book is in a life like mine. My faith has claw marks from trying to hold on and Lysa’s wisdom in her book comforts me where I am and not where I'm trying so hard to be. Reflecting on God’s truth while disciplining a 3 year old made in my image (with my short attention span, sassiness and lack of patience, my mini me), balancing baby girl, being a good wife, a housewife (of which I do not have a reality show nor am I cut from the Stepford cloth), being a “work” wife all while desiring to sit at the feet of Jesus and be still. Unglued sings to a heart like mine that there will be chaos, but through God’s Grace there will be peace.  

*Lysa TerKeurst is the author of many books including Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions (published 2012) Zonderzan